Sous les portes - 2025

 

🌙 Sous les Portes – Une Chute Douce dans les Ombres

Je suis devant cette fenêtre.

Je regarde cette fenêtre.

Elle est entrouverte. Toujours entrouverte.

Même quand il pleut. Même quand il fait froid.

La lumière vacille derrière les rideaux. Les ombres dansent. Une silhouette passe. Elle s’arrête. Elle regarde. Non. Elle ne regarde pas.

Elle est là. Je suis là. Nous sommes là. Elle derrière cette fenêtre. Moi dans cette rue.

Et chaque nuit, c’est la même chose. Je rentre. Je m’installe. Je regarde. Je ne devrais pas. Mais je regarde.

Parce que c’est ça. C’est ce que je fais. C’est tout ce que je fais.

Elle danse derrière les rideaux. Elle murmure dans l’obscurité. Elle apparaît. Elle disparaît. Une ombre. Une lumière.

Mais je suis là. Toujours là.

Et je perds les heures. Les minutes. Les secondes. Je perds mon souffle. Je perds mon nom.

Je deviens cette ombre. Je deviens ce regard.

Et chaque nuit, la lumière s’éteint. Et chaque nuit, je reste là. Dans la rue. Sous la pluie.

Je deviens cette fenêtre.

Je deviens cette peur.

Je deviens ce silence.

📌 Vous lisez encore ?

Vous ne devriez pas.

Mais vous lisez.

Parce que les ombres sont plus douces que la lumière. Parce que le silence parle plus fort que les cris.

Vous lisez parce que vous devez savoir. Parce que vous devez comprendre.

Mais il n’y a rien à comprendre. Rien. Juste une fenêtre. Juste une ombre.

📖 Sous les Portes – Un Roman de Mystère et de Mémoire

🌙 Une histoire de secrets. Une histoire de peur. Une histoire de cette lumière qui danse.

Kalina regarde cette fenêtre. Chaque nuit. Elle regarde. Elle regarde encore. Une silhouette. Une ombre. Un murmure.

Mais qui regarde vraiment ? Qui est vraiment derrière cette fenêtre ? Et qui est vraiment Kalina ?

Les souvenirs s’effacent. Les murs chuchotent. Les reflets glissent.

Et vous êtes là. Vous lisez. Vous cherchez. Vous perdez votre souffle.

💡 Pourquoi lire Sous les Portes ?

Parce que les ombres sont plus honnêtes que la lumière.

Parce que les secrets sont plus doux que la vérité.

Parce que vous devez savoir. Même si vous ne devriez pas.

📥 Achetez Sous les Portes sur Amazon Kindle !

📌 👉 Achetez ici. 

🌙 Vous voulez plus ?

Laissez un commentaire. Partagez votre impression. Mais rappelez-vous.

Les ombres ne sont pas ce qu’elles semblent être.

Les souvenirs ne sont que des mensonges bien racontés.

Et cette fenêtre… cette fenêtre est toujours entrouverte.

Turning 20s in Y2K

 

You turn twenty in the year 2000 and people call it a milestone. But all you feel is the hangover from the nineties. It’s like waking up from the last wild dream of a century that swore it wouldn’t end. And maybe it didn’t. Maybe we just hit pause. 

We were the last analog kids and the first digital addicts. Grew up on Minitel, and now we’re thumbing Nokias like prayer beads. We’re not born into the future. We crash into it.

The nineties in France? A cocktail of contradictions. MTV Europe and Canal+, grunge in our veins, rave in our lungs, and neo-liberalism creeping through the cracks of every concrete estate. We watched our parents vote left, live right, and blame everything in between. We played Tony Hawk on PlayStation, and pirated tapes off Skyrock. We passed joints in stairwells and spoke in slang like it was a second skin. Our sneakers squeaked rebellion even when we were standing still.

We were fed techno in warehouses and fed existentialism in school. We were told to be realistic while our music screamed otherwise. It wasn’t peace and love. It was rage and beats. It was Daft Punk under a strobe. IAM in your Walkman. The Verve and Noir Désir on the same mixtape. Try making sense of that.

The streets weren’t safe, but they were home. Suburbs like Montreuil, Saint-Denis, Villeurbanne—we carried them like tattoos on our tongues. Not tourist places. Real places. Concrete and graffiti and youth that burned too fast.

You’d get on the RER and ride straight through your future without ever being sure where to get off. You’d see kids born in Algeria, Tunisia, Mali, Bosnia, and they’d speak better French than the lycée teachers. But they’d still get followed in Monoprix. We all knew something was broken, but we danced anyway. Maybe we thought if we danced hard enough, we’d shake it all straight.

Then came 2000. The millennium. Y2K was supposed to kill us all. Computers crashing, planes falling. But nothing exploded except our illusions. Everything got... cleaner. Smoother. Corporate.

Suddenly, the same guys who moshed in Doc Martens were in startups, building JavaScript empires. The rebels found careers. The punks wore lanyards. And the rest of us? We stood blinking in the fluorescent light of a new decade wondering where the hell the music went.

They called it the information age, but it felt like the sedation age. Everything fast. Everything optimized. MSN Messenger instead of yelling across the street. Blogs instead of manifestos. Emotions went digital, then got deleted.

You remember when love was showing up. Now it’s a status. A photo. A comment.

In the nineties, heartbreak was slamming a door. In the 2000s, it’s a text at 2 a.m.: “seen.”

We used to believe in scenes. Skaters, ravers, squatters, goths, hip-hoppers. We wore our tribes like armor. Now everyone’s fragmented, curated. We pick aesthetics like Netflix genres. Nothing’s lived. It’s all sampled. Remix culture turned real life into a playlist. No B-sides. Just highlight reels.

You try to scream, but it comes out like a hashtag.

Turning twenty in 2000 meant looking both ways and seeing two different worlds. Behind you: grit, noise, vinyl. Ahead: speed, polish, pixels.

We didn’t choose life. We chose the mix tape, the street corner, the basement gig, the badly photocopied zine. And now we’re here, being asked to choose between a LinkedIn update and another overpriced coffee.

Sometimes I walk down République and swear I can still hear it—the echo of rollerblades on cobbles, of teenagers lighting cigarettes with stolen lighters, of love stories that started on park benches not apps.

We grew up too fast and aged too slow. We’re nostalgic at 30 and burnt out at 35. We know the price of everything but the value of a Friday night that smelled like sweat, fear, and possibility.

So yeah, I turned twenty in 2000. Right between two centuries, two eras, two selves. One wild, stupid, and alive. The other smart, smooth, and sedated.

And I’d give anything to be stupid and alive 

But you keep going, don’t you? That’s the rule. The beat stops but your legs still move. The DJ packed up two decades ago but the bassline’s still in your chest.

Now it’s 2005 and everyone’s pretending to be fine. We’ve got Wi-Fi, Gmail, and sarcasm as a defense mechanism. Authenticity gets filtered through irony. Every conversation’s a tweet waiting to happen. Every mistake’s a meme. We live in an age of pre-apologies and soft cancellations. We’re no longer real. We’re rebranded.

You remember smoking under bridges and skipping school. Now you’re booking wellness retreats to "reconnect with your inner child"—the same one you told to shut up every time they asked where the feeling went.

You can’t talk to anyone anymore without competing with a screen. Dates are job interviews. Friendships are notifications. Love is a ghost story told through blue ticks and unanswered texts.

Back then, you didn’t need therapy to feel something. You needed a Friday night, a Metro ticket, and someone to meet you under the blinking lights of a bar where the walls sweated and the bass made your knees weak. You found God in subwoofers. You found identity in noise.

Now everything’s silent—even when it screams.

We used to take photos to remember. Now we take them to prove we exist.

The kids today? They’re kind, careful, hyper-aware. They know about boundaries and trauma and climate collapse. They speak in complete thoughts and curated vulnerability. It’s beautiful, it really is. But you worry. You worry they’ll miss out on the mess. The glorious chaos of screwing up with style, of not knowing who you were and not caring, of breaking and breaking and breaking until something stuck.

You want to shake them sometimes. Not to change them—God no—but to tell them it’s okay not to optimize everything. That boredom is holy. That heartbreak builds empires. That your twenties aren’t supposed to be neat.

Because yours weren’t. Yours were brutal and brilliant and confusing and wild. You broke hearts and skipped rent. You danced until the sunrise made your mistakes look holy. You were loved and hated and forgotten and forgiven. You weren’t content—you were contentless.

And maybe that’s why you feel out of place now.

Because the world doesn’t want loud anymore. It wants likable.

But you? You were a mixtape with the volume turned to max. A scratched CD still spinning. A VHS that ate the tape but played magic while it did.

So yeah, you turned twenty in 2000. And nothing since has felt quite as alive.

And maybe it never will.

But maybe that’s okay. Maybe the point isn’t to chase the noise.

Maybe the point is to remember it—to carry it inside you.

A heartbeat. A memory. A war drum.

Still playing.

Always playing.

I wake up and I want to scream but I don’t  
Because I can’t  
Because no one does anymore  
Because everything is fine  
Everything is good  
Everything is optimized  
I wake up and I check my phone and it tells me how I slept and what I missed and who I am  
It knows  
It knows me  
It knows me better than I know myself and I hate it for that  
I hate it  
But I love it too  
I need it like I needed the smoke the noise the bodies

Back in 98  
Back when we were kings and queens of nothing  
But it felt like everything  
Back when you could fall in love in a park with a girl who wore eyeliner like a dare  
Back when a Saturday night meant something  
Meant the world  
Meant sweat and music and maybe a fight maybe a kiss maybe both

Now it means content  
Now it means notifications  
Now it means pretending you’re okay because it’s too hard to explain what’s missing

And what’s missing is everything

There’s no soundtrack  
There’s no pulse  
There’s no rebellion  
Just calendars and coffee and curated sadness

I want to smash something  
I want to throw this phone in the river and run  
Run until my lungs burst  
Until my legs stop being polite  
Until I remember what it feels like to be alive and unfiltered and unshared and unseen

I miss the ugly  
I miss the mess  
I miss the beauty that only came in chaos  
The love that hit like a train  
The pain that didn’t need hashtags

I want to burn it all down  
The passwords the profiles the platforms  
The perfect lives the perfect diets the perfect captions

Burn it down  
Burn it all down  
And dance in the smoke like it’s 1999 and we’ve got nothing to lose  
Because we don’t  
We already lost it

And all that’s left is this

This ache  
This noise  
This chapter

Online check-up in a savage e-garden.

Update Jan. 2014

I do understand in the privacy sphere, when one meets another, unknown from each others, smartphones help the screen check behind. Well, please yourself, as said in the most read post of this blog, post on facebook and the damned privacy chain message.

So even if out of white or black, or simply put a clear cut, I did put many colors under different periods over the past 15 years, many stuff on the internet. and well so be it. 

So be it, 'cause information without context is uncomplete. 

I do agree about getting visibility, getting noticed, still trying to do it the smart way rather than taking the easy of saying things belonging to the extremes of a difformed mirror the web is now giving us. Internet is the freedom of discovery, shortcuts to many interests, but won't see it only in its common negative side I am told here and there. Just a so be it, and well.

I wasn't always like this, and did go too far using what was offered freely to get information on a person I went out with, and totally crazy about five years ago. Brain and heart, my heart will always cut the deal, so just putting some frames in. 

Ever since, I am sticking to this e-redline, get to know only what others want to share with you, especially in the intimate, respectful world of relationship, as for other fields, I don't really care and find it normal to dig down. Yet, a matter of respect to the person in front, I don't fancy knowing before, I do fancy being surprises by what life offers. I live to that, I live to love and I love the unexpected in this sphere that makes me feel good, that makes me feel awful. And? Well, nothing else matters, I don't care and keep this old world deeply inside. 

In this personal sphere, I don't feel the urge to plan, I believe I am clever enough, and reacting the way I am is the best answer I've got at the time.

Truly, madly, deeply

To conclude, from e-reputation to e-repudiation, there is a small step in lower case that can take us to the extreme. I don't believe in it, I don't believe in pity when it is wrongly addressed, so be simply proud of yourself, live the unexpected.

Initial Post Dec. 2013:

Disconnect - 2013 Trailer

For me, the movie of 2013,as it does not focus on beautiful aesthetical  success and hasn't been recognized as such, I believe, in the box office.

"The Social Network" made an instant hit 'cause it is a success story and we love that, don't have to think.

Yet, to have success, you have to not be afraid of failing, again, and again, and again. I take it this way: Failure is one hell of a motivator for the optimistic, and one if not the best learning as to identify why it went this way. 

Take the other mirror: narrow, most of all successes made us avoid understanding the whole, focusing on the details that some said count. Look at capitalism, redefining the rules every once in a while to still get "success" in frame... Zoom in, zoom out, keep the balance in mind.

So, never stop failing, never stop learning.  "Disconnect" shows the extreme failure of an instant short term world we are living in. 

Simply human, living in a perfect world, would be so boring, skid at the first exit.

Henri Moufettal 2014 - henrimoufettal@gmail.com

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El laberinto del fauno

Pan's Labyrinth

As much as "El espinazo del diablo" colded my blood up to my bones, "El laberinto del fauno" took me very very passionating shores I enjoyed so much during the time it last. A wonderful tale in time of human horror, and truly a masterpiece I enjoyed from the beginning till the end. An undescriptible feelings that transcends every vibes of creativity around. Gosh that's good discovery at the corner. Miam

Henri Moufettal 2014 - henrimoufettal@gmail.com

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Flabbergasted V2.013

Around a dark corner on a Tuesday night, a nice suprise. not the move from 20th century fox to Fox Searchlight - I didn't notice the change of department, just a movie that I might have avoided due to the lack of exposure (at least from my side) and gosh, it was an extreme-ly good movie, far from the current stream of sh** with plenty of 3D and visual effects.

Splendid feeling going to this movie. First, 'cause I haven't read the review and was not expecting anything, and secondly because this movie was a nice opportunity to step out the global politically correct frame of current days, bringing the balance through the extremes.

Normal is set up by references, by a global average of the outside. I am not against what is normal. I just don't want others to expect me to live thoroughly through that frame of normal. The main thing tampering my behavior lies somewhere else: this looks in the mirror I trust in the morning for its fair judgements.

Henri Moufettal 2014 - henrimoufettal@gmail.com

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911 Glasgow 7

You can only be as clever as the person in front.

Bah oui

ou non

Pourquoi dire plouche? :)

Pasque, Pasquette.

First on a beautiful evening, I was amazed by the French price of pints, another way of life for sure I am not deep into getting used to.

And then a surprize, found the good old recipe of the past, the one from a life less ordinary, trainspotting from Mr Danny Boyle, references that, I noticed, makes me definitely appear old

Sincerely, good old fashion movies. I mean, I've been very diaspppointed by whatever held inception. Indeed, Inception only held for me a huge deception, too much visual effects, too many explanations, and there watching Trance from Mr Danny Boyle, gosh i was deeply into it, enjoying every moment of the nonsense it can create, just because i easily disconnected with ease my brain to be drown in an universe of sparkling thoughts above the water, kind of Syd Barrett world if i ever wished to go in.

Henri Moufettal 2014 - henrimoufettal@gmail.com

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